Radio Somewhere

I do not like American radio, at least the American radio I've been exposed to. As broad and brilliant as the music world is, things seem to get boiled down to there most base and icky forms.  One seems to have three basic options.


Sad Kroeger.



The first is your pre-packaged pop. Now, depending on the song, this can be either the worst or best choice for radio jamming. I am unashamed to acknowledge the fact that if Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA" is ever on the waves, I will crank that radio to eleven and sing like a sophomore girl. Driving home once from college with one of my sisters, I'm pretty sure we listened to Pink's "Rock Star" at least eighty-seven times. For a solid four months one winter, I had "Apple-Bottom Jeans" perpetually stuck in my head, and loved it everytime the twelve seconds of lyrics that I actually knew crunked through my head.

However, as mentioned, I can also be the worst possible music ever concieved my mankind. Katy Perry is terrible, even if she does kiss girls. I would rather listen to starving goats than any album a winner of American Idol makes and would not listen to an entire Justin Beaver song for five dollars. Six is another story.



The second is, as one of my friends so eloquently dubbed it, butt-rock. AC/DC, Kid Rock, Staind, Puddle of Mudd, Linkin Park, Nickelback *pukes in mouth*, and a plethora of bands that just can't seem to spell their names right. This is terrible music for terrible occasions. If the musical world was highschool, this genre would be the kid who sits in his rusted truck revving his grimy engine, bragging how he "don't even need to finish school 'cuz my momma's uncle gonna git me a jerb fixin' stuff fer seven bucks uh a hour!" There is no redeeming quality for this type of sound, except that the songs are short, because power chords only go so far.

I smell an A-Rab...

The third genre is country. That is all.

However, the radio seems to have a different mentality south of the border.

My iPod, pushing seven years, is on it's final legs, and can't leave the house or it gets sick. And as I walk an insane amount in this country, I have quickly gone native in a adapting the cellphone radio.

Now, at first I hated the radio down here. It made no sense whatsoever. Who has ever heard of sandwhiching two ABBA songs between Sugar Hill Gang and Tom Waits? Sheena Easton - who will be forever in my mind associated with Vinnie Jones opening beer bottles with his eye sockets - followed by Kid Rock's "All Summer Long?" Tom Petty and Akon on the same station? What the hell Uruguay?



Vinnie Jones works 9 to 5 at the gun show (Hay-Oh!)



But now I love it. It makes no sense whatsoever! Who would have ever thought of sandwiching two ABBA songs between Sugar Hill Gang and Tom Waits? Brilliant! Sheena Easton and Kid Rock? A-maz-ing. Tom Petty and Akon, that still doesnt make sense, but whatever.

Even as I write this, I'm continually surpised and impressed by the absolute absurdity of the radio. At this very moment, "God's Gonna Cut You Down" by Johnny Cash just finished, followed by Men At Work.

Uruguay, "...where women gooo and men plundaah!"